NO TENANTS-please!

brown chairs inside a room

How does a whole human being try to fit inside my head-
where there is no space
just words and tears: poems of fear
fighting to spill all at once?
No peace: not inside my head

Please stop trying to get into my head
I’m suffocating: help-me-breathe!
Find some other home
one with a bed of peaceful rose
Not thorns: not inside my head

I know all you want is a place
to help yourself: fix your brokenness
to recover your way-be you once again
Then you will let me get used to you
that I won’t bare it when you leave
No, don’t do this to me: not my head

Ask them, those who tried to reside in my head
it’s just not the safest place for you
or them, no one!
Yes-I am chasing you away
because I don’t want you getting hurt
ask them
they will tell you to stay away from my head!

 

Not a heart problem, more of a pen.

black ball point pen on white notebook

My pen refuses to write, it wants to listen to my heart

So allow me to write this down fast, before my thoughts also decline

Yes, I can’t find a better way to say I want you

A better way to give what we have a try

But at the same time, I feel like it isn’t what I want for me,

You and I don’t seem to desire the same thing

I heard you find something once you realise you lost it

But I feel like I am losing you, even before I get to have you

And I can’t seem to gain the strength to find you

Or even-wait-let me strike my pen again…

You seem to have a thing for the ‘extras’

Again I feel judged for being just a church-girl

It seems like luck is still on my case

Cause every time I pray about it, I still get to hear, ‘its not your time’

I craved for you, even before I knew you

I protect you, so much, yet I don’t even own you

Yes! Call me insane, but I’d really give everything for you

To notice me, or at least just smile at me

Tell me that my dreams may one day be reality

Even if not with you, but someone shall appreciate me.

My preacher is calling out, that every human being deserves a chance

I wish everybody understood that my Heaven lies in you,

But they won’t let us be, they claim different don’t mix

I want to tell them how;

I find my peace as I battle with myself, to talk to you someday

and tell you, that I really mean all the words I said.

For now let me go refill my ink,

I promise I shall be quick!

And upon return, maybe, I will remind you my name…

Does it ever get better?

adult alone anxious black and white

You told me that you went through this, and even worse, right?
You told me that you shed tears, wept, and felt empty inside
You did say, too, that you went on your knees, and called onto Him,
and that in time, though it seemed null, He replied, right?
You told me that you felt numb for a while
and assured me that it doesn’t go on for too long.
that your emotions came back, and your happiness was no longer a dream, right?

So now tell me, what else did you do?
Cause I have done all that, but mental freedom is still untrue.
Maybe there is something you hid from me that I should do
to get better, to be okay again. Maybe,
there is something you were told, that made the ache less painful
Or someone you had in your life, that made the cross less heavy,
Please, just tell me, tell me you didn’t lie to me, tell me
Does it ever get better?

*SORRY*

The Blessed Heavens

 

Listen to this as you read. 

Every step I take, every move I make

 Every single day, every time I pray, I’ll be missing you.

Thinking of the day, when you went away,

What a life to take, what a bond to break- I’ll be missing you.

                                                                                  Missing you-Puff Daddy

A black day it was, when the clock suddenly stopped,

The words they spoke, didn’t seem to make sense at all,

The human in a white cloak, walked towards me with a face so long and cold,

Blank stares, no bone twitching, just my heart storming,

I tried telling them you were only resting,

That you’d be back up in a while,

Because that’s what you promised me, with a smile so bracing

But it was the end.

You left.

No smile, no last kiss, no goodbyes.

At some point I felt like you were punishing me for the times I took you for granted,

At another, I knew you were going to come back since you’d just travelled,

They consoled me saying that you’d fulfilled your mission in my life,

But no – if yes – I wasn’t satisfied.

So many years down the line,

The memories still pierce my mind.

The sad laughter, the happy sniffles, just everything between you and me

Is all coming back to me now.

I am only breathing because I need to live for the both of us

Even though my strength keeps on failing right after your demise,

I still rise up, I still revive

With the hopes that Heaven is taking care of you better than I ever could.

For it’s such a blessed land,

Now that it has the soul of My Beloved.

xFOREVERx

Bitter-sweet memories is all I am taking with me, as I write this in memory of all the great souls lost ; Rest in Peace.

With love, from Earth.